Fallen Stars
by nalagaOcean777
Summary: A short tale in Howl's point of view, concerning the loss of his heart and to whom he had given it. Oneshot


A/N: Yes, here it is, my first fic on Howl's Moving Castle. Sorry if anything happens to be inaccurate – this is based off of the movie, and to be honest I didn't even witness this particular part. But give it a chance, and tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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A long time ago,

When I was young,

I must say, I was different.

I was an apprentice then, 

Better than others, I daresay,

And many told me that I had a bright future, 

That I would be a great wizard.

Perhaps one of the greatest. 

And I was all right with that, as you might imagine.

Quite pleased, really. 

I hadn't minded at all.

My teacher, Master Suliman,

She had been especially pleased with me.

But she had always warned me never to go astray,

To pay demons a wary eye, and magical rivals whole attention.

That I shouldn't fall prey to the downfalls of many a great wizard.

Perhaps it was a pity I didn't listen.

-----

It happened on a clear starry night,

Spring's breath on my back, ruffling the grass,

Thousands of blossoms, bobbing in the wind,

Under an expanse of heaven, clean and crystal, shimmering with countless points 

Of light.

I had always liked going there,

By myself, after a hard day's worth of studying,

To gaze at the stars, lying down on the grass,

The wind whispering tales in my ear. 

But that night,

That night something different occurred. 

Something quite strange.

And I had raised myself on my feet,

Gazing in wonder,

As, quite suddenly,

Thousands of shining stars 

Had toppled from the heavens.

Yes, they had started falling,

Without poise or warning.

Rather unusual for any old star, 

As many would guess.

-----

You could say I was mystified,

Fascinated,

Awed.

And even as the luminous spectre continued

I had stretched out my hands…

And there one had landed,

Bringing forth an explosion of light,

Burning my palms,

Flaming with its brilliant white light,

Taking my breath away in the wake of its streaking path from the heavens.

Yet despite I didn't put it down,

But tilted my head to the source of the blazing heat,

White-hot, flaring brightly,

Until tongues of flame and flurries of sparks 

Nearly scorched my face.

My own face! That I held

In such high esteem.

Yet now I couldn't care less

For such a mundane thing as that.

No, I paid no heed to my own well-being.

Instead I leaned forward,

And wondered,

And listened in amazement,

For the star spoke to me then,

In a gruff, feeble voice.

-----

That star…

Its name had been Calcifer,

Or so he had said.

And he had not wanted to die,

For that had been why the stars were falling so.

A thousand years had passed, the star had said.

A thousand years, long for a human,

Long for a star.

For that was when they fell, from their grasp in the heavens,

And perished upon the soil of the earth,

The water of the deep,

To be replaced and forgotten

Merely another speck of doused light.

Calcifer did not want to be forgotten, however,

He didn't want to be doused, 

He wanted to do more with his life, he had said,

To make amends for his wasted years.

-----

Perhaps now you might understand,

This dilemma I had faced,

With this star, burning my palms,

Burning away,

Fading even as it spoke such words of stolid denial.

I had pity for the poor thing,

I wanted to help him,

But how?

I was upset, as you might think,

I, an aspiring great wizard,

Who could not even spare a single little star

Of his demise.

I thought long in that moment,

Long and hard,

Combing through the lore I had been painstakingly taught,

And I came to a conclusion then.

A childish one, I shall admit now,

Rather naïve, far over my head,

But there the star sat, fading away in my hands,

And I wanted to save him,

For the sake of my pride,

And the sake of his life.

So it was that I gave him my heart.

-----

Yes, you heard right,

My heart, I offered him. 

My own heart! Beating, alive,

Against my chest,

The warm weight that sustained my life, governed my emotions.

I offered it, the wonder, to the fallen star named Calcifer,

That it might keep a star alive the way it did humans,

And he had accepted, with pause,

Tired as he was,

Nearly spent of all strength.

And so I had raised him,

Closer to my face, 

Ever closer,

The star's flames lashing my cheeks, 

Burning my eyes with blinding shafts of white light.

To my mouth I had raised him, and opened it wide,

And stuffed the little thing whole,

Swallowing the star as I would have a glass of water.

-----

It was foolishness from the start, I know,

But I was young. I didn't know better.

The experience wasn't exactly pleasant, to say the least -

Calcifer, he entered my mouth like a hot coal,

Searing my tongue,

Emitting the flavor akin to a pile of newly-formed ashes,

And smarting like the ball of fire he was as he rolled down my throat.

I had closed my eyes,

Hoping to shield them from the barrage of flame,

And even as I lowered my hands,

It came.

A stabbing pain, lancing through my chest,

A pain I shan't forget, even now,

And I keeled over, almost falling to my knees, 

As the flaming warmth in my chest suddenly reared.

Like a torch it seared,

Against the walls of my chest,

And then Calcifer emerged,

Through flesh, skin, clothing,

Rolling into my clutching hands, a white-hot entity of light no more,

But a ball, a ball of scarlet flame, 

With a line for a mouth,

And two large, round eyes that stared at me in concern.

-----

Even as I raised myself upright,

Dazed, utterly breathless, 

I noticed nothing else,

But the feel of horrified eyes on my back.

And I turned, hoping to see something,

Catching, for the briefest moment,

The image of a girl, a few years older than me,

A girl with wide eyes and braided silver hair,

Falling, falling into the ground…

But the pain in my chest, still lingering, seared again,

And she vanished, nothing more than an illusion.

At length, instead,

My thoughts returned,

To the heavy emptiness where my heart had been,

The weight of the fallen star, a warm presence against my palms.

And I knew, 

Then and there,

That I had changed my path forevermore.

-----

So know you know my tale,

Of how I came to be this way,

A great wizard, with such great power,

And not the heart to spare.

Indeed, I fled the place where I was taught,

I shunned the thought of apprenticeship.

For I had exceeded such lowly levels, once and for all,

In that one night, when I caught a falling star,

And gave it my heart.

That same star, now it sits,

Amid the logs of the hearth, moving my castle,

My beloved moving castle,

Keeping my apprentice and I warm,

And giving us an earful while he's at it.

I don't really mind,

There's not much else he can do,

For we have a contract, Calcifer and I,

That as long as one lived, so would the other,

He with my heart, I with his life's essence.

In the meanwhile, to fulfill his debt,

Calcifer would move my castle,

And tend to my needs,

While I went about doing what I did best.

Teaching Markl and courting women and keeping myself hidden,

From the wrath of my teacher, Master Suliman. 

-----

A fickle way to live, you say?

Well, I rather enjoy it myself.

Though not having a heart does have its catches…

But I'm not going about telling you _that._

This will never change, anyhow,

This is how I have made my life. 

And I like it this way.

Truly, I do.

Nothing could occur to change the road I have taken.

Nothing at all.

…That is what I think, anyhow.

Life is a fickle thing, as I should know.

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A/N: Well, there you are. Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are welcome.


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